Parent Testimonial

I remember being very young and experiencing the New Jersey shore for the first time.  I was holding my father's hand as the waves came rolling towards us.  One moment we were just standing there and the next we were surrounded by chaos.  I'll never forget holding on to his hand and how that was my only grasp with a stable world.

This is a good image for my experience with WinGate because having a child who is struggling with alcohol, drugs and the challenges of adolescence is terrifying for a parent.  I watched as my daughter self-destructed to epic proportions.  It wasn't until we were working with WinGate and you Nancy, that I felt there was any stability to help us through this hard time. I should add that we all entered into this relationship kicking and screaming and I am so grateful we were able to get past our initial resistance and lack of knowledge about your wilderness therapy.

WinGate is a multi-dimensional class act.  You lovingly included the whole family into this process by giving all of us structure and support.  You provided tools for us as parents to take responsibility for our part and healing ways to relate to our daughter.  We had weekly updates (including photos) where we could see the effects of nature, group support and therapy returning our daughter to a healthier version of herself.  You helped us figure out a next step after WinGate.

A while ago I was talking to my daughter about a healthy concept and she told me, "yes, yes, I know that, they told it to us all the time in wilderness."  Life with my daughter is not perfect even now.  And in addition to that, there is hope.  Hope that my daughter knows we love her and fought to help her, exposed her to concepts which can serve her during her entire life and offered her a hand out of the chaos.

Both my husband and I are huge fans of WinGate.

With warm regards,

A Loving Parent

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Avoiding Arguments with Kids

Tips for Avoiding and Reducing Arguments With Kids

By Susan Carney

Spend less time fighting with teens by using these six suggestions for coping with power struggles.

Relationships between teens and adults are full of disagreements. Often, however, these
disagreements escalate into full-blown battles. Why? Because teens are developmentally
programmed to resist limits and adults need to enforce them. But there are things adults can do to
navigate these situations with as little fighting as possible.

Being Consistent

Kids will find any hole they can crawl through. Plus, if they know an adult is likely to wobble,
that only increases their resolve to argue or resist. Adults, who do what they say they will, and
enforce their rules each and every time, will have fewer issues with power struggles than those
who don’t.

Staying Calm

When kids test limits or are disrespectful, it’s easy for adults to get emotional. However, when
adults get upset, the intensity level of the entire situation increases. The goal should be to stay
calm, and help the child stay (or regain) calm. Raising one’s voice, becoming irrational, saying
something that may later be regretted, or other unproductive reactions are all possible when
emotions get involved.

Dealing with kids can be upsetting: be sure to use the traditional strategies to stay calm, such
as counting to ten, taking deep breaths, and using positive self-talk. Temporarily leaving the
situation may even be necessary.

Offering Reasonable Choices

Power struggles happen in part because teens feel a sense of powerlessness. Limits and
consequences, though necessary, often add to that feeling. Sometimes, giving kids some limited
choices can help them feel a sense of control and, often more importantly, save face. For
example if a teen has to complete a task or chore he finds unpleasant, offer him a choice about
when he does it.

Staying Respectful

Kids are often rude and disrespectful to adults. Unfortunately, adults often tend to “give what
they get”. However, meanness, sarcasm, insults, and other jabs are not going to win the battle or
the war. What they will do is diminish and damage the adults’ relationship with the teen, perhaps
irreparably. Remember that the adult needs to take the high road here. Also, avoid switching
the focus of the situation onto the teens’ attitude; that only dilutes the importance of the issue at
hand. Instead, address any disrespect at another time.

Keeping Consequences Proportionate

When kids are driving adults crazy and emotions are running high, it can be tempting to throw
out harsh and permanent consequences (i.e., “You’re grounded forever.”) Wildly irrational
consequences are meaningless to teens because they know they won’t stick. Try hard to keep the
consequences proportionate to what has happened. If necessary, take some time to calm down
and reflect before deciding on them. Or better still; involve the teen in discussing what they think
appropriate consequences would be.

Keep Consequences Enforceable

The source of many power struggles is often a consequence that relies on the teen’s cooperation
(extra chores, more homework) to enforce. Consequences that the adult has complete control
over (allowance, privileges, etc.) are better because there’s less risk of another fight when the
consequence is implemented.

By keeping emotions in check, staying respectful, and keeping consequences appropriate, adults
can do a lot to reduce power struggles with headstrong teens.